As time has gone by...
As time has gone by since my grandmother went to heaven, it becomes easier. It is really is true time heals. Although, here I sit nearly 2:00 am writing and teary thinking about that day. I live in her home, now my home, and tonight I wish I was still living in my little house across the street.
(Click here for the post written two days after her passing). She wanted me to live here as a way of thanking me for all I had done for her... besides the fact she knew I would take care of her home.
I am finally being able to restore her flower beds to their once beauty. I suppose that is what has brought up so many thoughts.. memories. Good and bad, but they are all memories and the sadness is just the same.
I just want to give her a hug. I just want to sing "you are so beautiful to me, can't you see." After I would wash and set her hair I would give her the mirror and sing those lines. She always thought it was so funny, and I was just relieved for it to be done. It wasn't easy taking care of her the last year, but oh my, if I could still be doing it I would treasure each day. It was stressful, it was hard. In fact, the dementia was what brought me to embroidery, led me to quilting projects to sell at craft shows, which led me here. It's been a long road... and all because of Granny, all because of dementia.
If you haven't had a love one go through this disease, it's nearly impossible to grasp the changes. Your loved one becomes the shell of who they are. They change. I felt like I lost her a long time before October 2017. She just wasn't Granny. Her body was still walking, talking, having blood pressure issues, it still had a broken hip, but she wasn't here. It was a different person. I don't know how else to explain it other than that.
I miss her more than anything tonight. I just want to hear her voice. Give her a hug. Tell her I love you. Take her dinner with a note written on the foil. She loved those (and kept a lot of them!). Time is precious. Give your loved ones a tight hug, tell them how much you love them. Life is but a vapor.
So now I will go to bed praying that God will wrap me in His comfort. The comfort I have felt many times over. I know He will.
Granny 20 years ago...